23 Healthcare Workers Are Sharing Their Most Baffling "HIPAA-Compliant" Patient Stories - BuzzFeed

I'm Jamie, a Resident Writer at BuzzFeed covering pop culture, internet trends, politics, and whatever people can't stop fighting over online.

We all know healthcare workers have seen it all, but apparently, no amount of training can prepare someone for the sheer chaos some patients bring through the door. So, when TikToker @peyt_wheels asked healthcare workers to share their wildest "HIPAA-compliant" patient stories and photos, you already know they did not disappoint. Here are the funniest, most shocking, and simply unbelievable responses:

"I had a 7-year-old come in with a knife lodged in his face. He was sitting up on the stretcher, talking to us like nothing was wrong."

"I had a 90-year-old patient with a tattoo on her butt cheek that said 'Bobby,' with a line through it. Below that was 'Keith,' also crossed out. Then there was 'Mark,' crossed out too. Finally, at the bottom, was the name of her last husband, Allen."

"One of my favorite residents was a grumpy 75-year-old man with an ostomy bag. After I told him about another CNA being mean, he waited until she was taking care of him, ripped off his bag, and threw his 'shit bomb' at her. It covered her. I was working in another hall, but they transferred me over to clean him up and put on a new bag. He looked at me and said, 'She better not be mean again.'"

"I had an 89-year-old patient with a VCH (vertical clitoral hood) piercing..."

"I pulled off a guy's sock, and his toes came off with it. His response was, 'Well, I guess I don't need my toenails clipped after all.'"

"I had a patient come in while she was in labor. She insisted she couldn't possibly be pregnant because she had taken Plan B. It turned out that it had only worked on one twin. The other twin survived."

"A patient had a snow globe exactly where you think they had it. It had been in there for more than two months, and they only came in because it finally cracked. You could see the little snowman figurine and everything."

"A grandmother had Alzheimer's, but she figured out that if she pulled the fire alarm at her care center, all the doors would unlock. That's how she would escape."

"I recently had a patient come in for her 10th C-section. Her 10TH."

— seven.pretty.sunflowers

"I work in gynecology and once asked a patient what their sexual preference was. They looked at me and said, 'Um, dreads.'"

"I had a patient walk in with a blood pressure of 41/26 and a mean arterial pressure of 29. They walked in."

"I work as an OB-GYN ultrasound tech. I was scanning a mom who was 38 weeks pregnant when a patient walked down the hallway with her newborn, and the baby started crying. The baby's dad looked at me and said, 'Oh my gosh, is that him?!' He genuinely thought he could hear the baby crying from inside the mom's belly."

"Here is an interesting way to find out you're allergic to corn."

"I once had a patient list their hobbies as 'drinking beer and talking sh*t.'"

"I work in OB-GYN, and we had a patient who somehow shoved her NuvaRing into her urethra. It traveled into her bladder and caused an infection."

"Years ago, I had a patient who was well over 7 feet tall. He was normally very nice and quiet, but one day, he 'broke out' because security was too afraid of him to stop him. He came back the next morning, looked me dead in the face, and said that if the police were looking for his father-in-law, they could find him chained to the bottom of a lake. Then he walked away and took a nap."

"I had a diabetic patient with severe neuropathy in her feet come in because her new puppy had chewed off one of the toes on her left foot while she was sleeping. A week later, she came back because the puppy had chewed a toe off her right foot."

"I work in dentistry, and an elderly patient came in because she was having pain near the back of her gums a few weeks after an extraction. It turned out that the extraction had made room for a wisdom tooth to grow in. I heard the dentist tell her, 'Well, believe it or not, at the ripe age of 80-something, you're teething!'"

"I'm an addiction therapist. While going over a new client's drug history, he told me that he had tried everything. I asked him what he meant, and he said, 'Well, everything. I even tried injecting my mom's mascara once to see if I could get high from it.'"

"I had a patient list 'Jesus C.' as her emergency contact, but she didn't include a phone number. I asked her how we were supposed to contact him, and she looked at me and said, 'Pray.'"